New Beginnings......?

Kind of a double entendre, isn't it? Both inspiring thoughts of things not seen before, different than things of the past.

Thought I had found a new beginning in a relationship, thought it had to be of God, how out of nowhere that it came. Out of Louisiana, of all places. For those of you who know me, I do inventories, and I hate going to the state of Louisiana, for many reasons. Oh, the people are fine, friendly, and all that. Just little hope of them ever getting better, of caring, and so forth.

So many things with this chance meeting. Was the first person who spoke to me at the location, was my age, single, had been praying God would bring someone into her life, too, that would love her and treat her as she wanted to be treated. Same for me. Hit it off and had a fun week with her. Enjoyed a dinner out the last night. Nothing else, just ate, talked, took her back home.

But then, the same old signs of hiding from abuse began to appear. Had all the time in the world to visit her kids and grandkids (gk's). felt like it was one major imposition to ask or suggest she spend some of her time with me. Finally did get a day with her, and we had a great time. For those playing the blame game or pointing fingers, no, no sex.

Think it scared her, as it so often seems to scare previously abused women, that I treated her like a gentleman as my grandfather had taught me to be. Showed her respect, listened to her.

Long story short, she withdrew for some reason, communications were cut off without explanations, then a couple of things that should have been insignificant were said, both ways, and with no communications, things were assumed, things were blown way out of proportion, and she'd not give me the time of day for us to talk things out, see where both had gone wrong.

New beginnings….maybe realizing all that seems to have every sign as being from God, isn't, always? A wakening, or re-awakening, of reality? Reality setting in?

New beginnings….knowing the relationship before that one should have, and still could be, the one to end all relationships, the best either of us could ever dream of, hope for, want, desire?

New beginnings….coming face to face that at my age, 53, maybe this is all it will ever be. Just me and Bear, as long as he lives, and he's not a young pup any more. Realizing that the loneliness is something I should just learn to accept as an everyday companion? I sure hope not. Heard a quote a few days ago, something like this…. The greatest tragedy in life, is what dies within a man as he still lives. Really sad to think about that, to think of dying with one's music still inside, but seems to be more real today than yesterday.

We think of new beginnings, and think of the sun coming up on a new day, shining thru clouds, filling growing things with life and beauty and growth.

Maybe, sadly, it's not new beginnings at all, but the long, slow journey of opportunities lost, a trek towards sunset….of gray clouds before a mild gentle rain